For a therapist, relationship counselling can be the most demanding of all therapies as, rather than just one client, there are two, and by the very nature of the situation, there is a conflict situation. However, it is also most rewarding, as being able to effectively help a couple negotiate their hurts and differences and fall in love again has a very positive impact on the rest of their lives.
As with any counselling, it is essential that your therapist establish rapport with you as a client, and in relationship counselling this aspect is crucial so that each of you feels able to express your problems and thoughts, and feels listened to, empathised and understood by your counsellor.
It is also important that the counsellor remains non-biased, or at the very least, supportive of each partner. At its best, relationship counselling will help you explore the potential of your relationship, no matter how bad it seems to be in at the moment.
When you have explained what your issues, concerns and feelings are, a good relationship counsellor will help you gain insight into what underlying patterns and dynamics may be at the root of the problems. They will also normalise patterns where need be so you will get a better understanding of how common your particular issues are.
While it is important to be able to get out the issues each of you have, it’s equally important to work in the positives, as too much negativity is usually a factor when a couple has experienced problems for awhile.
This is done in two parts. Firstly is to think about and appreciate the positive things and strengths there are already in the relationship -to acknowledge and celebrate them (the fact that you came to relationship counselling to improve your relationship means at the very least you both value it).
Secondly, it is important to create a positive plan to improve or overcome the problems each of you are experiencing. I often do this by encouraging each person to consider what would be on their Top 5 “asks” on their Positive Want list, that if they were to happen would make them very happy with their relationship. (These are usually their issues turned into an “ask” in a positive way.) In this way, we are able to resolve the problems for each partner in a positive and reciprocal manner. Then each one can be worked through beginning with the top priority for each partner.
When a new plan of action for each partner is agreed on, it is important as a partner to honour these new vows, and for the therapist to keep you accountable, as well as to be supportive of any challenges you may be experiencing. Ultimately, actions will speak louder than words as you work towards a better relationship, and your relationship counsellor ought to encourage and support you as you move closer toward that goal.
Need help? For relationship counselling Brisbane or relationship counselling Sydney talk to Hart Relationship Counselling. Our relationship counselling Sydney centre is located for your convenience in the CBD Medical Centre in Pitt Street Sydney.